Change

I don't do change! Not well anymore. I never used to blink at major life changes. I would have never survived my childhood if I did. I have had many childhood houses, two step-dads, several foster homes, and plenty of boyfriends. I went to no less than 4 grade schools, and 3 high schools.

I would love to say this changed with James but alas it did not. It changed with Brenda. She never gave up. She showed up at my house on a regular occasion to invite me to activities. She made me a regular babysitter for her kiddos. She never let me go. She never gave up on me. She has been the one person who has remained constant in my life since I was 15. So almost but not quite 20 years. She made me realize that I hated change. LOL!! She helped make me who I am today. Without her I think I might have been able to pull it off but not as soon or as well as I did.

Now I can say growing up I did not see myself married to just one man the rest of my life. Dude I didn't even see myself getting married. LOL! I didn't think I was worthy of that. Again Brenda helped me see the light. And when James walked into my life there was no longer a question.

So now I really hate change! I refuse to change my sheets unless James is home. Weird I know! But if I change them and he is gone then he will get hurt or worse. Don't ask me where I got that but I have always been that way with him. I think it because when he is not home I sleep on his pillow and I love to smell him.

I like to change thing up a bit now and than but for the most part I like my rooms set up the same way. We have unofficially assigned places at the dinner table. Every mourning I start my day by doing the dishes. And I end it by sleeping on Jamie's pillow!